Healing from Trauma: Being Aware of Red Flags

One of the biggest things you can do for yourself when healing from trauma is to maintain your awareness - awareness of yourself, your relationships with others and your situations. This is where it is important to also pay attention to your inner voice, your gut instinct and learn from the (devastating) lessons of the past.

If something or someone doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If something or someone seems too good to be true, it probably is.

When we talk about red flags, this can encompass any number of actions, words or any number of "little things" that add up or contribute to the "bigger picture." Pay attention to what someone says or does, but also what they do or do not say or do. Actions and words need to match, otherwise, someone isn't showing you their true intentions or motives.

If you find yourself in a situation that feels uncertain or unsafe, this is a red flag. If someone is pushing you to do something that you do not want to do or is outside of your comfort zone, this is a red flag. If someone cannot admit their faults or take the blame for their own mistakes - especially if they try to pin the blame on you - this is a red flag.

Be wary of someone who over-exaggerates their own importance, their past actions and pay attention to how truthful they are with other people. If someone is always exaggerating, boasting, has a negative history with other people or they have no problem with telling "white lies," then this is a person who is dishonest. This is a red flag.

If someone has a quick temper, is quick to lash out verbally or physically - even if it is to an inanimate object - these are red flags. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable with their moodiness and you feel as though you have to walk on eggshells, this is a red flag.

Red flags can be any number of words, actions, situations, etc. The important thing is, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, uneasy or something "just doesn't feel right" and you don't know why - it's a red flag. Proceed with caution or don't proceed at all. Red flags are there for a reason, it is a way to have a warning system for you or anyone else dealing with a situation to be aware and to be able to protect yourself.

A Red Flag Should Be A Stoplight

   When it comes to new relationships, regardless of how casual they might be - it's important to remain as objective as possible, no matter how much we might like or be attracted to the other person. Typically, it takes about three months of more than casual dating for someone to start to show their true colors or intentions. Some are less subtle than others, depending on their motivation and methods.

 No one wants to be lonely or go through life alone. Every human being deserves to have a friend or companion that they can go through in life, their "person," so to speak. The thing is, if you are willing to settle for whomever you come across who expresses interest or are willing to settle for less than you actually want, you will never find that which you deserve.

When getting to know a new person or engaging in a new relationship, it's important to evaluate and re-evaluate as you go. If the person is usually negative about past relationships or jobs, if they have many financial or interpersonal problems, this is usually a major red-flag. Typically, it's not a huge string of bad-luck that has brought someone to where they are - it's a series of their own choices and actions in their interpersonal relationships. This is a HUGE red flag.

If you notice any type of red flags, whether it's something concrete that you can pinpoint or something that's glaringly obvious, or it's just a gut feeling that "something's not right," trust your instincts and use your best judgement. Remain objective and avoid jumping into anything too fast, be wary of anyone who tries to push you out of your comfort zone or pushes at boundaries that you've set in place. Pay attention to any and all red flags.

The bottom line is, a red flag should be a stoplight. Don't keep going into a situation if you are uncertain or feeling nervous about it. You should never have to make excuses for another human being or their words or actions. Set and keep firm boundaries in place. Remember your worth and remember that no one has the right to take anything from you - not anything material, not your physical or emotional well-being or your mental health. A red flag is a stoplight, so slam on the brakes and back-up if you feel yourself getting into a bad situation or relationship.