Does a Toxic Person Realize They Are Toxic?

There are many forms of toxic that a relationship with another human being can bring. In many cases, you get two people in a toxic relationship - platonic, romantic, familial or even in the workplace - where one is the toxic party and the other is a victim. Sometimes toxicity manifests into both people being toxic in their dealings with one another or they are simply unable to relate and interact in a healthy manner. To people outside of the situation, it can be simple enough to recognize the toxicity for what it is and to realize that the person or persons involved are toxic. Other times, it's hard to recognize two people have a toxic relationship - sometimes the victim even appears to be the tormentor.

Then there are those who will make excuses for the toxicity and the toxic actions of toxic individuals. This is what is known as "enabling," these people - when narcissists are involved, although the term fits other toxic dynamics - are often known as "flying monkeys." They commonly enable the toxic individuals and keep the toxicity going in situations, unknowingly helping to further a toxic individual's agenda. Which begs the question. Does a toxic person realize they are toxic? Do they MEAN to do the things they do?

The answer to this is as complex as all of the other intricacies of a toxic dynamic and relationship. In many cases, an individual may not understand that what they are saying or doing is toxic, they may not even realize how their words or actions affect other people or situations around them. In their minds and hearts, they truly believe themselves to be a victim of circumstance or other people's words and actions. There are those that realize exactly what they are doing and don't care about the damage they cause or the cost to their words or action.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if someone knows they are toxic or not. If they've been offered or shown how to get help and refuse to get help, even if others have shown them that their words and actions are toxic, then you have to step back. Toxic is toxic. If you have a toxic person in your life, the rest of your life turns toxic. If someone doesn't respect you or your boundaries, if they bring toxicity and negativity to your life, for your own sake, you have to cut them out of your life. Even if a toxic person recognizes their toxicity and promises to change, actions speak louder than words - true change takes time.

Don't fall into the trap of blaming someone's toxicity on them not knowing they're toxic or not knowing any better - at some point everyone has to take responsibility for themselves and their own actions.

A Red Flag Should Be A Stoplight

   When it comes to new relationships, regardless of how casual they might be - it's important to remain as objective as possible, no matter how much we might like or be attracted to the other person. Typically, it takes about three months of more than casual dating for someone to start to show their true colors or intentions. Some are less subtle than others, depending on their motivation and methods.

 No one wants to be lonely or go through life alone. Every human being deserves to have a friend or companion that they can go through in life, their "person," so to speak. The thing is, if you are willing to settle for whomever you come across who expresses interest or are willing to settle for less than you actually want, you will never find that which you deserve.

When getting to know a new person or engaging in a new relationship, it's important to evaluate and re-evaluate as you go. If the person is usually negative about past relationships or jobs, if they have many financial or interpersonal problems, this is usually a major red-flag. Typically, it's not a huge string of bad-luck that has brought someone to where they are - it's a series of their own choices and actions in their interpersonal relationships. This is a HUGE red flag.

If you notice any type of red flags, whether it's something concrete that you can pinpoint or something that's glaringly obvious, or it's just a gut feeling that "something's not right," trust your instincts and use your best judgement. Remain objective and avoid jumping into anything too fast, be wary of anyone who tries to push you out of your comfort zone or pushes at boundaries that you've set in place. Pay attention to any and all red flags.

The bottom line is, a red flag should be a stoplight. Don't keep going into a situation if you are uncertain or feeling nervous about it. You should never have to make excuses for another human being or their words or actions. Set and keep firm boundaries in place. Remember your worth and remember that no one has the right to take anything from you - not anything material, not your physical or emotional well-being or your mental health. A red flag is a stoplight, so slam on the brakes and back-up if you feel yourself getting into a bad situation or relationship.