Healing from Trauma: Don't Minimize Your Trauma

One of the biggest mistakes we make whenever dealing with past trauma is to minimize our feelings about what happened to us or to attempt to shrug off what has happened. All as if we have "over-reacted" or we are "making a big deal out of nothing."

 Nothing could be farther from the truth. If it affected you, still affects you, if it caused you pain or is still causing you pain - anything that has made an impact on and who you are today is, indeed, "something." Don't minimize it.

By minimizing our trauma, we are not allowing ourselves to actually work through the emotions surrounding the trauma or the trauma itself. What this does is invalidate us as a person, as an individual. This has a devastating effect on our mental and emotional health, on our self-esteem. When we minimize our trauma and how it has affected us, we are actually minimizing ourselves.

In a misguided attempt to not allow our trauma to define us, we actually allow it to control us and take away our power. Leading to a never-ending and vicious cycle of minimizing ourselves and our feelings, which, in all reality, leads to further traumas and repeating of negative and abusive cycles.
Yes, by minimizing our trauma, we're allowing ourselves to stay stuck in old patterns and repeat history, over and over again.

While it isn't healthy to dwell in your past or stay overly focused on trauma that we've gone through, it is very much necessary to validate our feelings and what has happened to us. To truly heal from trauma of any kind, you have to acknowledge it, you have to allow yourself to feel the emotions regarding the trauma. You also have to acknowledge that you have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you do about what has happened to you.

This isn't weakness or selfishness on our part. It is simply a part of the healing process. Minimizing this trauma, the emotions around it, just keep us stuck in a cycle of invalidating ourselves and our feelings. It can lead to questioning whether or not we are crazy, self-doubt, etc. Nothing could be more detrimental to our emotional health and well-being or our emotional growth.

Acknowledge your emotions, acknowledge your trauma and how it has affected you and is still affecting you. Don't minimize. You are a human being and you deserve to be healthy and whole. A huge part of this is the human desire to be loved and accepted, but you don't need to minimize yourself or your experiences to be loved and accepted. The right people will love and accept you even when you are not minimizing. More importantly, you will love yourself more.

Healing from Trauma: Taking Baby Steps

Trauma is difficult to heal from... it's not simply a paper cut or flesh wound, it goes far deeper than someone was rude to you today, your partner forgot to take out the trash, etc. No. Trauma is something that scars you mentally and emotionally, for the rest of your life, all the way to your core and inner being. Trauma is something that you carry around with you, for the rest of your life. It can affect your day to day living and quality of life, it can color your perceptions and reactions to basic, every day words and events.

It's important to remember that you have every right to feel the way you do, you have the right to be hurt or angry or whatever emotions you are feeling surrounding your trauma. It can be difficult to move past those feelings, and, to some degree, those feelings will always be there. But it's important to do your best to allow yourself to feel and express those emotions, then slowly begin to let go of what is holding you back from healing, from living your best life.

When we hold on to trauma, we are giving that which hurt us, power over us. When we make the choice to heal, we are choosing to take our power back. Taking back your power and healing doesn't happen all at once, however... some days will feel like you're "stuck" or like you aren't making any progress at all. That's perfectly okay, just don't stay stuck. Keep moving forward. Don't push yourself to go faster than you're capable of, though.

Remember that every inch forward, is a bit of progress. You don't have to move mountains, you don't have to take full leaps or gigantic steps... baby steps will still get you there, as long as you keep moving forward. Focus on a happy and healthy future, where your trauma has no place in your life, where your past doesn't hold power over you or your happiness.

Wake up each morning and tell yourself that you'll make one positive change - just for this day. It doesn't have to be anything "big," it just needs to be a positive step for you. It can be something simple like choosing to try to have a positive outlook for that day, finding something to smile about, writing a paragraph in a journal, etc. If you have social anxiety, it can be as simple as trying to have a conversation with someone on the phone, or choosing to go to the convenience store for a soda.

Even if you don't succeed the first time, you've made progress simply by trying. Healing from trauma is a matter of taking baby steps. Taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time, even one second at a time. Even if you feel like you're merely treading water or spinning your wheels, you're making progress as long as you're handling your emotions and attempting to heal.

Don't get discouraged or give up on trying to heal from your trauma... keep going. Sometimes it's darkest right before daylight, so you'll get there eventually. Sometimes you'll feel like you're not making progress or feel like giving up - don't. You can get there. Just keep taking baby steps. You've got this.

Healing From Trauma: Allowing the Anger

With any type of trauma or abuse, it's quite normal for the person who has been abused or gone through another type of trauma to feel a broad range of emotions. This is almost always the case. Rarely is the victim of abuse or another type of trauma going to only feel one specific emotion regarding what has happened to them. Our brains process trauma in many different ways, even when we are not actively processing the trauma - there are still underlying emotions or motivations that trace back directly to the previous trauma we have gone through.

As I talked about in my previous post in this series, with any type of trauma, there is a large amount of pain. This is entirely normal and a part of the healing process. Our bodies and minds feel pain as a way of helping to protect us from further pain in the future. But there's another emotion which is almost always present when dealing with any type of trauma. That emotion is anger.

Now, what you absolutely must understand whenever you start dealing with the trauma... every single emotion you are feeling is absolutely valid and normal. Especially anger. We get angry for a large variety of reasons when it comes to trauma - it can be simply because something happened to us, it can be because we couldn't control it or protect ourselves, it can be because someone we trusted hurt us - the list goes on.

Whatever anger you feel about your trauma is valid. It is a  valid emotion and is also part of your mind and body's defense mechanism.

Whenever we are angry, it typically means we have been hurt, disrespected, disregarded, discarded, etc. It can mean that we've been made to feel as though our emotions are invalid, that WE do not matter. If we are angry, we need to allow ourselves to feel that emotion and work through it. It's not healthy to carry around anger, even if it IS a defense mechanism that is created due to trauma. Only when we can begin to heal the pain and anger can we work through our traumas.

If you are angry because you've gone through a trauma - you might be angry at the source or cause of your trauma, your abuser, the natural disaster you went through, etc... that is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. And if you can acknowledge your anger and why you are angry, that helps smooth the path for you in your healing process.

I don't typically suggest that you confront an abuser or attacker, you can't confront a natural disaster or accident... but you can write a letter, you can take your aggression out on an inanimate object or using physical activity as a positive outlet. You need to be able to express your anger, acknowledge that you are angry and why you are angry, so that you can move past it and continue to the next stage of healing from trauma.

If you find yourself angry and you can't cope with those emotions or don't feel like you are making progress, please seek the advice of a licensed professional counselor or therapist. You don't have to heal on your own and sometimes, we all need some help learning to cope and learning to heal. It's okay to be angry, you have the right to be angry and it's a perfectly normal response to trauma. Feel it, work through it, and continue healing.

By staying in your pain or anger, you allow your trauma to control you and hold onto you. I can assure you, from personal experience, this isn't where you want to stay "stuck." Let yourself feel your emotions and then let go, the continue to work on healing from your trauma.

Healing From Trauma: Acknowledging the Pain

This is my second post in my series about Healing from Trauma. I would like to take a moment to invite you to check out my other posts in this series... Due to time constraints, I will not be linking each post to the others while doing this series. They can all be found on this blog, Inside a Glass Heart.

The thing that most people don't understand about surviving any type of abuse or trauma, is that there is a lifetime of pain surrounding whatever abuse or trauma you have gone through. It becomes easier after a time to simply ignore the resulting pain that has been caused by childhood abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence or other trauma. This is because we tend to want to avoid thinking about whatever hurt us, so we try to ignore what happened and ignore the resulting pain.

Our subconscious usually does a good job of helping us "forget" the pain, which in turn leads us to be able to avoid thinking about that which hurt us. This leads to a lifetime of underlying pain, decisions that usually come as a result of that pain - either which lead to us continually being hurt or to try to avoid being hurt again. This perpetuates an extremely unhealthy cycle of abuse or trauma, as well as helps to keep us from working through the trauma to avoid feeling the pain that the trauma caused. Many times, it keeps us from even acknowledging that we are in pain.

PTSD is many times a result of not just the trauma that we have been through, but a result of not working through our unresolved feelings concerning our trauma. This results in a "bottling up" of our emotions concerning the trauma, the denial that there is anything wrong, even the convincing ourselves that everything is "okay." That we are "just fine." Nothing could be farther from the truth and this is a very dangerous way to handle your emotions and trauma.

One of the first steps to beginning to heal from trauma is to acknowledge your pain. Admit that you are hurt, that you have every right to be hurt. It's okay to be hurt, it's okay to feel that hurt. You can feel the pain and still come through it. You might be a bit "bruised and battered" by the time you come out of the other side of your pain, but that's perfectly normal and perfectly okay.

For many years, I attempted to keep my emotions in check and refused to acknowledge that which was hurting me. I refused to acknowledge that I was in pain or that I had been hurt. I attempted to avoid thinking about the things and people that had hurt me, even felt guilty for acknowledging that someone I'd loved and trusted had hurt me. In an attempt to spare other's feelings and protect my own, I didn't allow myself to feel that hurt or acknowledge it. I self-medicated, was angry and volatile, bitter and even paranoid - as I attempted to protect myself from further hurt and attempted to avoid that which was hurting me.

All I did was hurt myself worse.

If you truly want to heal from trauma, you have to work through your emotions surrounding the trauma. An integral part of this is acknowledging and accepting the pain for what it is. I'm not suggesting that you feel your pain and just simply stay stuck in it or wallow in it, but to simply acknowledge and feel that pain. Cry as many tears as you need to, write your heart out in a journal or letter to what or whomever hurt you (burning it if necessary), embrace yourself and give yourself gentle hugs and loving self-care. Take care of yourself and work through your pain.

Beware of those who will tell you to "get over it," "stop being a baby" or any other negative, minimizing statements. Being in touch with your emotions and handling them appropriately is a very important part of your emotional and mental health and growth. Acknowledge those emotions, feel them, work through them and release them. If you cannot do this on your own, I strongly suggest seeking the help of a licensed counselor or trauma therapist to help guide you through this process.

Acknowledging pain is difficult, but it's an important first step in the process of healing from trauma.

Healing From Trauma: Finding Your Inner Child

This blog post is the first in a series about healing from trauma and abuse, coping with anxiety and depression, as well as living with PTSD.

 It is no great secret that PTSD affects a large portion of our population in today's society. What is less known is that many times, a childhood trauma can cause PTSD that will affect the victim of abuse or neglect in ways that only become apparent later in life. It is a tragedy that in today's society, we still do not have the resources and knowledge to prevent domestic abuse, sexual abuse or other forms of abuse. There is still a large portion of today's society that is content to simply look the other way or find ways to blame the victims of abuse. Nothing could be more tragic for a victim of childhood abuse.

In many cases of childhood trauma, an individual's emotional development becomes stunted at whatever age that the trauma occurred. This can set the individual up for a lifetime of abuse and trauma, especially if help is not sought out immediately following the trauma or if the trauma continues. Domestic abuse, sexual abuse or any other type of trauma - quite literally "rewires" the brain in the victim and causes them to function at a different cognitive and emotional level than they would have had the trauma not occurred.

I have learned a few things in recent years about myself and my life. After large amounts of time of introspection and self-work, I've discovered that childhood traumas set the stage for the cycle of domestic violence and emotional abuse that I found myself repeating as an adult. I realized that I was still acting and reacting as a scared, confused and angry little girl - both in my decisions in everyday life, my interpersonal relationships and in my basic mindsets. This was a hard pill to swallow- after all, who wants to realize that they aren't really as mature as they think they are?

What I've realized is that I have been living my adult life as if I were still the same scared little girl in the middle of chaos. To start working on myself, to learn to live with my PTSD, depression and anxiety and to begin healing my traumas - I had to go back to that little girl. I had to find my Inner Child. My Inner Child was my Psyche... the scared little girl inside of me that had been hurt so badly, that was afraid of being abandoned or hurt again. I had to get in touch with that little girl, to get in touch with my Inner Child.

I know, this sounds like a bunch of "New Age" type nonsense. I promise it's not. First, I went back to the beginning of my life and began writing down memories. I allowed myself to feel the things I felt at those times where things were scary, painful, etc. I found my Inner Child inside - and I let her cry, rage, scream, to FEEL. This has been very difficult. I've used coloring, drawing, singing, listening to music, watching kid's movies, etc - to get myself in touch with my Inner Child.

Once I found her, I began to work on soothing her. I began to tell her that things would be okay, that the adult me wasn't going to let her go and was going to protect her from now on. I told her it was okay to be sad, scared, mad, etc - all of those emotions are valid, and she didn't have to hide them or ignore them any longer. Slowly, I have begun to deal with the traumas that started in childhood and have begun to heal from them. I wake up each morning and "check-in" with my Inner Child, see how she's feeling, make sure she's okay. I tell her, "We've got this, today is another day, and we're becoming whole."

Finding your Inner Child after childhood abuse or trauma is very important, because you have to get your emotional growth on track. To do this, you have to heal your Inner Child and acknowledge him or her. If you hope to break the cycles of pain and abuse, you have to start at the beginning.

The Beauty of Fire

The beauty of a fire and the destructive capabilities always leave me in awe. It's a reminder to me, that we need to burn bright with our passions and remain true to ourselves... Or we can be lost in the flames and destroy ourselves and every thing around us.
#fire #bonfire #beauty #flame #self #truth #honesty #healing #faith #hope #love #passion #beyourself #nevergiveup #destruction

Living With PTSD

I have Complex PTSD due to multiple traumas throughout my life. This can be a real complication to everyday life and can make things very difficult for me to manage on a daily basis. I am not my diagnosis, but I do have to live with the symptoms.

Living with PTSD is very much like walking in a tightrope, over a landmine, while wearing heels and carrying a gigantic bag of bricks. One wrong step and you fall. I'm never sure when and where I will be triggered or what is going to trigger me.

I never know if I'm going to be able to calmly manage being triggered or if I will somehow end up acting "crazy." God knows, I don't mean anything negative by using the term "crazy." It's just that Complex PTSD will definitely make one FEEL crazy, as if they're losing their mind.

With PTSD, I can never tell for sure if I'm overreacting or underreacting to things. It can go either way. Many people, as supportive as they might try to be, do not understand the complexity of PTSD or the symptoms and triggers that go along with it. They often don't understand why we can't just "snap out of it" or "get over it."

The problem with PTSD is that whenever you're triggered, you feel like you're back in whatever situation(s) caused the trauma and it can be difficult to calmly and rationally navigate through it.

Many people with PTSD don't even realize they have it. Those of us that do, and recognize the issues it is causing, may not know how to drag themselves out of it or pull themselves through it.

Life with Complex PTSD is difficult and can be chaotic, which means that those of us with PTSD can come across as "difficult" or chaotic. Trust me, we know how we appear to outsiders. But we're taking it one step at a time, one day at a time.

If someone you know has PTSD, the best way to be supportive or help... Is to be there. Simply be there. If they want to talk, listen and give feedback by acknowledging their emotions or the trauma they have gone through. Don't make judgements on them or how they are handling it.

Encourage them to find positive ways to cope and heal. Don't tell them how to heal, your journey is different than theirs... Even if you also have PTSD. Encourage them to seek professional help and help them find resources, if necessary.

But again, the most important thing when dealing with PTSD or someone who has PTSD is to remember to be patient and that the path to healing is truly one step at a time.