Does a Toxic Person Realize They Are Toxic?

There are many forms of toxic that a relationship with another human being can bring. In many cases, you get two people in a toxic relationship - platonic, romantic, familial or even in the workplace - where one is the toxic party and the other is a victim. Sometimes toxicity manifests into both people being toxic in their dealings with one another or they are simply unable to relate and interact in a healthy manner. To people outside of the situation, it can be simple enough to recognize the toxicity for what it is and to realize that the person or persons involved are toxic. Other times, it's hard to recognize two people have a toxic relationship - sometimes the victim even appears to be the tormentor.

Then there are those who will make excuses for the toxicity and the toxic actions of toxic individuals. This is what is known as "enabling," these people - when narcissists are involved, although the term fits other toxic dynamics - are often known as "flying monkeys." They commonly enable the toxic individuals and keep the toxicity going in situations, unknowingly helping to further a toxic individual's agenda. Which begs the question. Does a toxic person realize they are toxic? Do they MEAN to do the things they do?

The answer to this is as complex as all of the other intricacies of a toxic dynamic and relationship. In many cases, an individual may not understand that what they are saying or doing is toxic, they may not even realize how their words or actions affect other people or situations around them. In their minds and hearts, they truly believe themselves to be a victim of circumstance or other people's words and actions. There are those that realize exactly what they are doing and don't care about the damage they cause or the cost to their words or action.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if someone knows they are toxic or not. If they've been offered or shown how to get help and refuse to get help, even if others have shown them that their words and actions are toxic, then you have to step back. Toxic is toxic. If you have a toxic person in your life, the rest of your life turns toxic. If someone doesn't respect you or your boundaries, if they bring toxicity and negativity to your life, for your own sake, you have to cut them out of your life. Even if a toxic person recognizes their toxicity and promises to change, actions speak louder than words - true change takes time.

Don't fall into the trap of blaming someone's toxicity on them not knowing they're toxic or not knowing any better - at some point everyone has to take responsibility for themselves and their own actions.

Why Does a Narcissist Target an Empath?

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, it's important to remember that they - each and every one of them  - typically have a "type." While not all victims of narcissistic individuals are empaths, they typically will find someone who has many empathic traits. This is because for a narcissist to successfully manipulate and use someone, that person has to be someone who is susceptible to the narcissists' charms and subtle attacks in the first place, before the narcissist begins to break down the other person's defenses and self-esteem. An empathic person fits the narcissist's needs perfectly.

If someone is friendly, caring, genuinely feels their emotions and is able to understand and feel another's emotions - if someone is a naturally giving individual and they care deeply about even casual acquaintances, then a narcissist will believe they have found the perfect victim. The narcissist is lacking empathy, strong positive emotions - the reason why doesn't matter, concern and consideration for others, perhaps they don't even use basic politeness or manners when dealing with those who are supposed to be close to them. All of the things that a narcissist is lacking, they seek to find and destroy in other people.

A narcissist may not have bad intentions, they may not even realize that what they are doing is abusive and toxic. Many narcissists are hiding deep-seated pain and trauma themselves. In many cases, a "switch" has been flipped inside of them and they only focus on attempting to make themselves feel better, to make themselves feel worthy and feel important - at the expense of another human being. Many narcissists have other underlying mental or psychological issues that are rooted in childhood or traumatic events over the course of their lives - sometimes it is a case of having parents that are TOO indulgent.

But a narcissist is capable of mirroring their victim, to portray themselves as having those same qualities as their victim, to be what their victim "needs." In the end, this is typically a person who is an empath or one who has many empathic traits. A narcissist needs to feel important, they need to have their ego stroked and they need to feed off the other person's pain, fear and confusion. This is why the victim of a narcissist is usually referred to as "supply." The victim is "supplying" anything that the narcissist is lacking - financial, material, mental, emotional, physical - all of those needs that a normal, healthy, non-toxic adult can find ways to supply for themselves.

An empath is a special breed of human, they feel the most, they give people many chances before closing them off, they care about other people, most empaths will give the shirt off their back to someone who is in need of it. Empaths are especially susceptible to the manipulations of a narcissist, due to their ability to anticipate and attempt to meet the needs of other people. Empaths are natural givers and narcissists are natural takers. This is an extremely toxic dynamic, both for the empath and the narcissist - although neither will usually recognize or acknowledge it.

Narcissists choose empaths as their target because empaths are one of the most easily manipulated personality types. The narcissist thrives on causing pain and confusion, on wreaking havoc on their victim's life, because the narcissist will take what he or she is lacking at all costs.

If you are an empath and you have fallen victim to a narcissist, it is NOT your fault. You have done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, the reason the narcissist has chosen you as his or her victim is because you aren't doing anything wrong. If anything, you are doing things "too right." This isn't a negative, it simply means that you have a light inside of you that toxic people envy, you have a gift that others are jealous of, so they seek to take it for their own. When they seek to take it from you and they can't utilize it in the same way, they then seek to destroy it - and you.

A narcissist doesn't choose an empath as their victim because there is anything wrong with the empath, they choose an empath because that is their ideal person - they target that which they wish to portray themselves as, as well as having the most to gain from. Strong boundaries and setting boundaries is important in getting rid of a narcissist, as well as recognizing that the narcissist will never change.

Do Narcissists Actually Love?

Inevitably, I see many posts in support groups for recovery from Narcissistic abuse, asking if the Narcissist actually loves their victims or if they can change? The short answer to this is, no.

Narcissists are deeply broken. Incapable of loving anyone, not even 
themselves. Although they are very focused on themselves and portray an 
ego like no other (in most cases).

They secretly hate themselves and are full of self-loathing, have low 
self-esteem... and so they reflect that onto their victims, making their 
victims feel the same way they themselves do. 

While at the same time demanding that their victim "supply" them with 
love, affection, admiration, etc. Hence the term "supply" when talking 
about the victim of a Narcissist. 

Narcissists don't actually treat their future partners, other children, 
etc. better than their current victims. They simply move from "supply" 
to supply... Playing "favorites" or manipulating. 
Love-bombing and gaslighting are two of their favorite methods to 
manipulate and control their victims.

Which is how they are able to keep their victims attached and in limbo 
for long periods of time, years even, while also procuring new "supply" 
and leaving more damaged victims in their wake. 

So, the Narcissist cannot actually love you, because he or she doesn't 
actually love themselves.