Random Thoughts About Trauma

Trauma, especially that stemming from childhood, is hard to live with, it's hard to "get over." Despite what you might have been told or how you've been treated by toxic people or simply those who do not understand trauma, there's nothing wrong with you except you are trying to learn to live in spite of the pain.

Trauma literally rewires your brain. When you react to trauma, your body chemistry changes - your brain literally changes - so your body and mind struggle to find a new way to live with what has happened to you.

Trauma isn't a permanent thing, but the after-effects are. Don't be ashamed of coping mechanisms you've used or are using to try to deal with the pain or the memories of what has happened.

You can have a good, happy, healthy life in spite of going through trauma. You have to choose to live and live well. In many ways, this is as much a conscious choice as it is a survival instinct. It's about wanting to be better and wanting something better than what you've experienced.

Trauma takes time to heal from. Don't judge your own healing process by another's. Differing traumas, circumstances, support systems and education make a huge amount of difference in a healing process.

Trauma isn't the easiest thing to heal from, it's not something you just "get over," but you can choose your own path and choose positivity. A positive attitude makes a world of difference in healing from trauma.

Healing From Trauma: Boundaries Make Unhealthy People Angry

A major part of healing from trauma, that I'm pretty positive I haven't addressed yet, is that when you begin setting boundaries and making better choices for your health and well-being - it's going to make all of the unhealthy people in your life angry. Those who will get angry with you for setting boundaries and making healthy choices for yourself have absolutely no place in your life. It's really easy to make excuses for those who have hurt or abused us or those who are aware of our trauma and act indifferent about it. Don't.

If you're setting boundaries for yourself, for your own sanity, your own health, your safety and security, for your own emotional well-being - and people are getting angry with you - then you're doing things the right way. Healthy, positive people will recognize and respect the boundaries that you set in place... unhealthy, negative people will attempt to cross those boundaries, blame you for them hurting you, lash out at you for protecting yourself.

Recognize that you don't owe anyone your mental and emotional health or well-being, you owe no one your safety and security. Those are your fundamental rights as a human being and a valuable person worth loving. If someone is attempting to cross boundaries or get you to remove them, they are toxic to you and your well-being - whether it is physically, mentally or emotionally. NO ONE has a right to invade your personal space or privacy. This can include your abusers, their enablers, their "flying monkeys," people who are using you, attempting to use you or harm you in any way.

Trust your instincts. If you've been through trauma, you probably have a heightened sense of danger. If someone or something about someone or a situation feels "off," trust your instincts. Even healthy relationships need boundaries, that is how they remain healthy. If someone gets angry or upset with you for setting boundaries and communicating those boundaries, then they are not a safe person to be around - this is an unhealthy person and/or situation.

You might find yourself "losing" long-term relationships - family members, friends, etc. In the end, while this is painful, understand that it's truly not a loss if you lose people because you've set boundaries or you have to cut people out of your life by setting boundaries. These people or situations are toxic and unhealthy for you, or they would respect you, your boundaries, your feelings, etc. NEVER feel guilty for setting boundaries. And always stick to your boundaries. If someone is angry with you, that means you're doing what's best for yourself.

Healing from Trauma: Taking Baby Steps

Trauma is difficult to heal from... it's not simply a paper cut or flesh wound, it goes far deeper than someone was rude to you today, your partner forgot to take out the trash, etc. No. Trauma is something that scars you mentally and emotionally, for the rest of your life, all the way to your core and inner being. Trauma is something that you carry around with you, for the rest of your life. It can affect your day to day living and quality of life, it can color your perceptions and reactions to basic, every day words and events.

It's important to remember that you have every right to feel the way you do, you have the right to be hurt or angry or whatever emotions you are feeling surrounding your trauma. It can be difficult to move past those feelings, and, to some degree, those feelings will always be there. But it's important to do your best to allow yourself to feel and express those emotions, then slowly begin to let go of what is holding you back from healing, from living your best life.

When we hold on to trauma, we are giving that which hurt us, power over us. When we make the choice to heal, we are choosing to take our power back. Taking back your power and healing doesn't happen all at once, however... some days will feel like you're "stuck" or like you aren't making any progress at all. That's perfectly okay, just don't stay stuck. Keep moving forward. Don't push yourself to go faster than you're capable of, though.

Remember that every inch forward, is a bit of progress. You don't have to move mountains, you don't have to take full leaps or gigantic steps... baby steps will still get you there, as long as you keep moving forward. Focus on a happy and healthy future, where your trauma has no place in your life, where your past doesn't hold power over you or your happiness.

Wake up each morning and tell yourself that you'll make one positive change - just for this day. It doesn't have to be anything "big," it just needs to be a positive step for you. It can be something simple like choosing to try to have a positive outlook for that day, finding something to smile about, writing a paragraph in a journal, etc. If you have social anxiety, it can be as simple as trying to have a conversation with someone on the phone, or choosing to go to the convenience store for a soda.

Even if you don't succeed the first time, you've made progress simply by trying. Healing from trauma is a matter of taking baby steps. Taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time, even one second at a time. Even if you feel like you're merely treading water or spinning your wheels, you're making progress as long as you're handling your emotions and attempting to heal.

Don't get discouraged or give up on trying to heal from your trauma... keep going. Sometimes it's darkest right before daylight, so you'll get there eventually. Sometimes you'll feel like you're not making progress or feel like giving up - don't. You can get there. Just keep taking baby steps. You've got this.