Why Does a Narcissist Target an Empath?

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, it's important to remember that they - each and every one of them  - typically have a "type." While not all victims of narcissistic individuals are empaths, they typically will find someone who has many empathic traits. This is because for a narcissist to successfully manipulate and use someone, that person has to be someone who is susceptible to the narcissists' charms and subtle attacks in the first place, before the narcissist begins to break down the other person's defenses and self-esteem. An empathic person fits the narcissist's needs perfectly.

If someone is friendly, caring, genuinely feels their emotions and is able to understand and feel another's emotions - if someone is a naturally giving individual and they care deeply about even casual acquaintances, then a narcissist will believe they have found the perfect victim. The narcissist is lacking empathy, strong positive emotions - the reason why doesn't matter, concern and consideration for others, perhaps they don't even use basic politeness or manners when dealing with those who are supposed to be close to them. All of the things that a narcissist is lacking, they seek to find and destroy in other people.

A narcissist may not have bad intentions, they may not even realize that what they are doing is abusive and toxic. Many narcissists are hiding deep-seated pain and trauma themselves. In many cases, a "switch" has been flipped inside of them and they only focus on attempting to make themselves feel better, to make themselves feel worthy and feel important - at the expense of another human being. Many narcissists have other underlying mental or psychological issues that are rooted in childhood or traumatic events over the course of their lives - sometimes it is a case of having parents that are TOO indulgent.

But a narcissist is capable of mirroring their victim, to portray themselves as having those same qualities as their victim, to be what their victim "needs." In the end, this is typically a person who is an empath or one who has many empathic traits. A narcissist needs to feel important, they need to have their ego stroked and they need to feed off the other person's pain, fear and confusion. This is why the victim of a narcissist is usually referred to as "supply." The victim is "supplying" anything that the narcissist is lacking - financial, material, mental, emotional, physical - all of those needs that a normal, healthy, non-toxic adult can find ways to supply for themselves.

An empath is a special breed of human, they feel the most, they give people many chances before closing them off, they care about other people, most empaths will give the shirt off their back to someone who is in need of it. Empaths are especially susceptible to the manipulations of a narcissist, due to their ability to anticipate and attempt to meet the needs of other people. Empaths are natural givers and narcissists are natural takers. This is an extremely toxic dynamic, both for the empath and the narcissist - although neither will usually recognize or acknowledge it.

Narcissists choose empaths as their target because empaths are one of the most easily manipulated personality types. The narcissist thrives on causing pain and confusion, on wreaking havoc on their victim's life, because the narcissist will take what he or she is lacking at all costs.

If you are an empath and you have fallen victim to a narcissist, it is NOT your fault. You have done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, the reason the narcissist has chosen you as his or her victim is because you aren't doing anything wrong. If anything, you are doing things "too right." This isn't a negative, it simply means that you have a light inside of you that toxic people envy, you have a gift that others are jealous of, so they seek to take it for their own. When they seek to take it from you and they can't utilize it in the same way, they then seek to destroy it - and you.

A narcissist doesn't choose an empath as their victim because there is anything wrong with the empath, they choose an empath because that is their ideal person - they target that which they wish to portray themselves as, as well as having the most to gain from. Strong boundaries and setting boundaries is important in getting rid of a narcissist, as well as recognizing that the narcissist will never change.

Do Narcissists Actually Love?

Inevitably, I see many posts in support groups for recovery from Narcissistic abuse, asking if the Narcissist actually loves their victims or if they can change? The short answer to this is, no.

Narcissists are deeply broken. Incapable of loving anyone, not even 
themselves. Although they are very focused on themselves and portray an 
ego like no other (in most cases).

They secretly hate themselves and are full of self-loathing, have low 
self-esteem... and so they reflect that onto their victims, making their 
victims feel the same way they themselves do. 

While at the same time demanding that their victim "supply" them with 
love, affection, admiration, etc. Hence the term "supply" when talking 
about the victim of a Narcissist. 

Narcissists don't actually treat their future partners, other children, 
etc. better than their current victims. They simply move from "supply" 
to supply... Playing "favorites" or manipulating. 
Love-bombing and gaslighting are two of their favorite methods to 
manipulate and control their victims.

Which is how they are able to keep their victims attached and in limbo 
for long periods of time, years even, while also procuring new "supply" 
and leaving more damaged victims in their wake. 

So, the Narcissist cannot actually love you, because he or she doesn't 
actually love themselves.

Healing from Trauma: Don't Minimize Your Trauma

One of the biggest mistakes we make whenever dealing with past trauma is to minimize our feelings about what happened to us or to attempt to shrug off what has happened. All as if we have "over-reacted" or we are "making a big deal out of nothing."

 Nothing could be farther from the truth. If it affected you, still affects you, if it caused you pain or is still causing you pain - anything that has made an impact on and who you are today is, indeed, "something." Don't minimize it.

By minimizing our trauma, we are not allowing ourselves to actually work through the emotions surrounding the trauma or the trauma itself. What this does is invalidate us as a person, as an individual. This has a devastating effect on our mental and emotional health, on our self-esteem. When we minimize our trauma and how it has affected us, we are actually minimizing ourselves.

In a misguided attempt to not allow our trauma to define us, we actually allow it to control us and take away our power. Leading to a never-ending and vicious cycle of minimizing ourselves and our feelings, which, in all reality, leads to further traumas and repeating of negative and abusive cycles.
Yes, by minimizing our trauma, we're allowing ourselves to stay stuck in old patterns and repeat history, over and over again.

While it isn't healthy to dwell in your past or stay overly focused on trauma that we've gone through, it is very much necessary to validate our feelings and what has happened to us. To truly heal from trauma of any kind, you have to acknowledge it, you have to allow yourself to feel the emotions regarding the trauma. You also have to acknowledge that you have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you do about what has happened to you.

This isn't weakness or selfishness on our part. It is simply a part of the healing process. Minimizing this trauma, the emotions around it, just keep us stuck in a cycle of invalidating ourselves and our feelings. It can lead to questioning whether or not we are crazy, self-doubt, etc. Nothing could be more detrimental to our emotional health and well-being or our emotional growth.

Acknowledge your emotions, acknowledge your trauma and how it has affected you and is still affecting you. Don't minimize. You are a human being and you deserve to be healthy and whole. A huge part of this is the human desire to be loved and accepted, but you don't need to minimize yourself or your experiences to be loved and accepted. The right people will love and accept you even when you are not minimizing. More importantly, you will love yourself more.