Healing From Trauma: A Recap Of The Series Thus Far

Thus far, in this blog series about Healing From Trauma, I've discussed multiple topics with you. Below I will include links to all of my blog posts in this series thus far and a basic recap. Whether you have been following along this entire time or are just joining me, this is a basic guide to my posts about Healing from Trauma. I invite you to share these links, to check them out yourself... Let's take this journey together.

1. Finding Your Inner Child - Which is important if you've suffered from childhood abuse or trauma. You have to find and begin healing that Inner Child if you want to become a healthy adult in the present.

2. Acknowledging The Pain - Another important aspect of healing is that you have to acknowledge what hurts, so that you can heal what hurts. You can't stuff those emotions down and pretend they don't exist.

3. Allowing The Anger - One thing that no one really wants to acknowledge or talk about - trauma makes you angry. This is normal and is perfectly okay, you have the RIGHT to be angry about the things that have hurt you.

4. Taking Baby Steps - Healing from Trauma can feel like a lot of missteps and can feel like you're stuck and making no progress. Healing doesn't happen overnight, it's perfectly okay to take baby steps, as long as you keep moving forward.

5. Don't Minimize Your Trauma - Too often, we feel the urge to minimize what we are feeling or want to downplay what we have gone through, especially if we are afraid of others' reactions to it. Don't minimize your trauma, validate yourself and your emotions concerning your trauma.

6. Know Your Triggers - When you're healing from trauma, it's important to know your triggers and find ways to cope with them. This encourages your mind and emotions into a positive healing process, instead of staying in a "self-protective" mode.

7. Boundaries Make Unhealthy People Angry - This post discusses the need for boundaries and the fact that many people will get angry with you when you start your healing journey. Those are not your people, they do not have your best interests at heart and they are exactly the reason why boundaries are so important.

8. The Journey Isn't Easy - Healing and recovering from trauma is never easy, but the journey and end result is worth all of the difficulties you will encounter along the way.

Another Fibro Flare

Living with Fibromyalgia, Lupus, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Arthritis and Chronic Pain can seem like fighting a losing battle even on the best of days. Some days, start out better than others... When you throw in being a single mom with a mountain of stress you have to climb over daily... the day-to-day struggle of simply living can feel almost impossible.

I don't know what it's like to go through a day with no pain whatsoever, even if it isn't physical. I struggle with my emotions on my "good" physical days. There are days when I struggle to even get out of bed or walk, because the physical pain is so bad, but I'm emotionally in a GREAT place. Life is hard... life with chronic illness and mental issues can seem too difficult to manage sometimes.

Right now, I'm struggling with another fibro flare. I can't get comfortable when I'm being perfectly still, moving hurts - but is completely necessary, Tylenol and Ibuprofen barely make a dent in the pain. I have to keep going. Giving up simply isn't an option. I'll make it through another day, but it will be difficult. Yet, I have no choice. That's the part where being a single parent makes things even more difficult than they already were.

I don't have the support of very many family and friends... and the ones who would be helpful and supportive, don't live close by. So, in many regards, I am a single parent and doing it totally alone. With chronic illness and chronic pain. I keep going and keep trying... each day is good in it's own way, even the days that are hard.

There are many days where I wish my life weren't so complicated or difficult. I wish I could be normal and healthy... the reality is, my life is what it is meant to be. I am who I am meant to be. I am a person worth loving, I have many good qualities, a (mostly) positive attitude... and a lot to offer the world. So, if I have chronic illness and a few mental issues along the way... that's okay.

I am not my diagnoses. I am so much more. And in life, we just have to take the bad with the good.

So I live, one day at a time, to the best of my abilities. And continue to focus on my future and that of my children.

Healing From Trauma: Allowing the Anger

With any type of trauma or abuse, it's quite normal for the person who has been abused or gone through another type of trauma to feel a broad range of emotions. This is almost always the case. Rarely is the victim of abuse or another type of trauma going to only feel one specific emotion regarding what has happened to them. Our brains process trauma in many different ways, even when we are not actively processing the trauma - there are still underlying emotions or motivations that trace back directly to the previous trauma we have gone through.

As I talked about in my previous post in this series, with any type of trauma, there is a large amount of pain. This is entirely normal and a part of the healing process. Our bodies and minds feel pain as a way of helping to protect us from further pain in the future. But there's another emotion which is almost always present when dealing with any type of trauma. That emotion is anger.

Now, what you absolutely must understand whenever you start dealing with the trauma... every single emotion you are feeling is absolutely valid and normal. Especially anger. We get angry for a large variety of reasons when it comes to trauma - it can be simply because something happened to us, it can be because we couldn't control it or protect ourselves, it can be because someone we trusted hurt us - the list goes on.

Whatever anger you feel about your trauma is valid. It is a  valid emotion and is also part of your mind and body's defense mechanism.

Whenever we are angry, it typically means we have been hurt, disrespected, disregarded, discarded, etc. It can mean that we've been made to feel as though our emotions are invalid, that WE do not matter. If we are angry, we need to allow ourselves to feel that emotion and work through it. It's not healthy to carry around anger, even if it IS a defense mechanism that is created due to trauma. Only when we can begin to heal the pain and anger can we work through our traumas.

If you are angry because you've gone through a trauma - you might be angry at the source or cause of your trauma, your abuser, the natural disaster you went through, etc... that is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. And if you can acknowledge your anger and why you are angry, that helps smooth the path for you in your healing process.

I don't typically suggest that you confront an abuser or attacker, you can't confront a natural disaster or accident... but you can write a letter, you can take your aggression out on an inanimate object or using physical activity as a positive outlet. You need to be able to express your anger, acknowledge that you are angry and why you are angry, so that you can move past it and continue to the next stage of healing from trauma.

If you find yourself angry and you can't cope with those emotions or don't feel like you are making progress, please seek the advice of a licensed professional counselor or therapist. You don't have to heal on your own and sometimes, we all need some help learning to cope and learning to heal. It's okay to be angry, you have the right to be angry and it's a perfectly normal response to trauma. Feel it, work through it, and continue healing.

By staying in your pain or anger, you allow your trauma to control you and hold onto you. I can assure you, from personal experience, this isn't where you want to stay "stuck." Let yourself feel your emotions and then let go, the continue to work on healing from your trauma.